This Month's Weekly Refresher?

Once you make the decision to become a priest, it automatically puts a target on your back for Satan to attack you.


The above quote is anonymous. By anonymous, it comes from one of two people, and I can't remember which one. For all I know, it may be both. It's also not an exact quote, but pretty close, and the meaning is the same.


Anyway, it leads perfectly into what I want to talk about for this post. For those that don't know, I feel led to becoming a priest in the Anglican church, more specifically, the Anglican Mission in the Americas. I have been pulled towards ministry since about the third grade, and have on two previous occasions halfway seriously followed up on it, but fell short both times. The third time I decided it was time to go full force, and have been being coached along the way.


Then life got in the way. My wife and I had a second child, work picked-up, Heather (my wife, for those that don't know) went back to get her Masters, plus the already existing daily work and life stresses. It got to the point where 24 hours in one day, or seven days in one week, just weren't enough. So things got pushed to the back burner. I started slacking on planning youth group lessons, I totally disregarded this blog, I haven't been reading the Bible as I should, I cut back on the mentoring from once a week, to once every other week, to just not doing it until things slow down. 


Here I am now, and guess what. Things haven't slowed down. If anything, they have sped up even faster. Life had become too much to handle. I became angrier, somewhat depressed, and even a little aggressive. It wasn't fair to my family, or my co-workers.


I had too much on my plate, and I couldn't handle it. I was literally crying one day and asked God why there was too much for me to handle. I asked Him for help, repeatedly. I heard a song not too long after this happened. The song is by Matthew West and it's called Strong Enough. It was basically a song with lyrics ripped straight out of my life. (The album this song comes from is called "Story of Your Life" Coincidence, I think not.)


You must think I'm strong, to give me what I'm going through
Well forgive me if I'm wrong, but this looks like more than I can do, on my own.
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up, I'm not strong enough....


Again, this is the story of my life. It was exactly what I had been thinking for the past month or so. That last line was word for word what I have said, and have felt for some time. I literally felt like giving up. The rest of the refrain kicks in.


Hands of mercy, won't you cover me
Lord right now, I'm asking you to be
Strong enough, for the both of us.


The second verse:
Well maybe that's the point
To reach to point of giving up
Cause when I'm finally at rock bottom
Well that's when I start looking up
And reaching out


My main problem was that I WAS trying to do this all on my own, and didn't have much success. The truth is we can't get through life all on our own. We not only need the help of God, but the help of our family and friends. It has never been easy for me to ask for help, it may have something to do with the Y chromosome. At any rate, I asked God for help, and now I have to ask the people around me for help as well. 


I realize that this isn't an issue that only I struggle with. Chances are you have had or have now similar issues to mine. The important thing that I have learned is not to give up, and not to push the important things aside. It is also important not to keep things bottled up inside. The most important thing is not to forget God. I forgot him, look where it got me. It is okay to ask for help, don't let the Y chromosome, or the X chromosome for those that don't have both, get in your way.


As always, keep in the word, keep praying. It is by God's grace that can save you, not yourself.


Amen.